|
|
Lately, I’ve been in an awkward position, and not in any sexual way… not this time. No, I find myself feeling shame, actual shame, based on what I’m reading. Personally, I think it’s uncalled for, not to mention untoward. However, toward or not, I still catch myself shifting my book into skewed reading positions that keep the cover hidden to the general public. On the subway, it’s the cross-legged, cover cover-up. In the staff room, it’s the face-down on the table hunched over reading style. These are the awkward positions of being in the awkward position of feeling ashamed of your book.
And what is this troublesome tome, you ask (or more likely wouldn’t ask)? Is it the dregs of the literary barrel, the likes of tawdry romances, books with “shopaholic” in the title, or Dan Brown novels? Not hardly. I have not fallen so far in our time apart, my friends. As it happens, I’m reading Crime and Punishment, a classic of Russian Literature. So why should I be embarrassed, you again might ask? It’s Doestoy-friggin’-evsky for God’s sake. Well, that’s just it. I’m sick of the eye-rolling, the sarcasm, and the implied, “Ooooh, Doestoyevsky, eh?”
It appears that there are only a few known responses to great works of literature these days. It is acceptable if the reader appears to be a student, or scholarly in general, but otherwise people seem to think the reader is showing off or else overreaching himself. You really do get a sense of, “Who does this guy think he is [...]
A tip of the goofy fishing hat to Hunter S. Thompson, may he rest in peace. I personally hope it’s a good trip, not a [...]
Umberto Eco makes me feel dumb.
In fact, I feel like drafting a letter:
Dear Mr. Eco (eco.. eco… eco…),
I find your ideas compelling; however, there’s no need to write like that.
Sincerely,
David [...]
This has been bugging me for a while, but I keep hearing about this book all the time, so I figure it’s still valid. And yes, you’re all going to say, “But Dave, you’re just jealous of Dan Brown’s fabulous success, because you in your twenty-seventh year have yet to publish so much as a preposition of your own worthless scribbling.” Weeeelll, some a dat’s true. I herby applaud Dan Brown for his ability to read the market like that and inflame the world to buy his book. Good for you Dan! (you lucky SOB). All that said, it still doesn’t make it a good book.
Top Ten Lies You’ve Probably Heard About The Davinci Code
10. It’s really well written.
It sure as hell isn’t. This is one of the worst written pieces of trash I’ve ever read. I could give you a hundred examples if I had the book here in front of me… which I don’t.
9. You Can’t Put it Down.
There’s a simple reason for this. It’s because every chapter ends like this: “And what he saw, was the most amazing thing he had ever seen, perhaps in his entire life, and he knew in his heart, that he would never see anything so incredible ever again… And then the movie music goes “da da Daaa.”… and then… break for commercial.
8. The book is well researched.
There are a lot of facts in this book, that is true, but it’s a far cry from well researched. Half of these facts don’t fit into the writing; they are [...]
|
We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time
-T.S. Eliot
|