The Artsaypunk

This just in… Boy do I have news. It’s incredible really, and I don’t actually expect anyone to believe me; truly, I can hardly believe it myself. On the International Scale of Basic Credibility, it would rate slightly above the tooth-fairy but certainly below the moon-landing. Yes folks, here it is… I, David J. Ford, [...]

In an unfortunate, Dead Poets’ Society inspired delusion of grandeur, I recently accepted a position teaching English Literature and Language to Grade 9 and 10 students at a private school here in Karachi. The idea being, that I could inspire young minds in the mornings, continue working with the NGO in the afternoons and evenings, [...]

It is with a heavy heart that I garner the courage to relate the final chapter of the pigeon family, with whom I shared my bathroom. For weeks, I had been peeping in on the pigeon sanctuary while I peed. The old Peep and Pee play. I watched the baby pigeons grow from hideous, reptilian [...]

A few days ago, King-Pin asked me casually whether I had plans for dinner. I was curious, since dinner is not something that the King-Pin ever takes casually. He let me know that he was planning a small Nihari excursion, if I was interested. Now, as I believe I have explained somewhere in the mists [...]

Alright, here’s the story. Remember that stand-up comedy bit I did a few weeks back. Well, as it turned out, there was a TV producer there that night. He called me a couple days later, said he thought I was pretty funny, and asked me if I wanted a part in a sitcom he was [...]

The other day, I noticed that my toilet wouldn’t stop running. Before someone told me that I’d better go catch it, and being conscious of water conservation, I decided I’d better see if I could fix it. Most toilets over here are the type with the knob that you pull up from the centre of [...]

Folks, I have driven past your house hundreds of times, but it was only recently, while walking up Badar, that I had the time to notice the artistic travesty that is your home. For whatever reason, you decided to create the illusion that three metallic horses have burst through the front wall of your house. [...]

Last night, I was walking home from a friend’s place when a rumbling, old truck pulled up beside me. I was slightly conscious that I was carrying more money than I usually do when I’m out walking, but I wasn’t too worried. After all, I have a distinct size advantage over most Pakistanis. So I [...]

Adamjee: Actually, I learned to play bridge in junior high-school, I just didn’t have anyone to play with. Me: Yeah, I don’t remember many kids playing bridge in grade 9. Adamjee: So I ended up teaching my servants to play. Me: Ha. You taught three, illiterate house-hold servants to play bridge with you? Adamjee: Yeah. [...]

Yesterday, I was driving somewhere through Defense Housing area. I wasn’t really paying attention, but I would guess it was Phase VII. We slowed for a speed-breaker in front of a Police Station where I saw the following huge sign: Office Of The Town Police Officer Well, I’m glad he’s on the job. He’s got [...]