The Artsaypunk

A few years ago in Calgary, I was over at a girl’s house watching a movie. Exciting stuff, no? Problem was, that we selected Casino for our viewing pleasure. Now this, in and of itself, was not a problem, Casino is a fantastic movie. The trouble was that Casino is three hours long, and somewhere [...]

Well, you just can’t tell two stories about Elmer now can you? Elmer has trilogy written all over him. Where to start? Well, for new readers, Elmer was my Beer-Swilling-Eel Fishing-Ex-Uncle-In-Law. A well-known source of childhood trauma in my life. He stands out in my memory because of his amazing capacity to make exactly the [...]

Growing up, I was always about five years older than my brother. In fact, even now, I am still five years older. But Andrew has always been fiercely competetive. So when we were younger, he was obsessed with playing Stretch, because it was one game where my age and size wasn’t an advantage. I know [...]

For most of the first year that I lived in Calgary, I would walk to work down 8th street almost everyday. As we have seen, I tend to find my own amusements along such routes. One day I noticed some graffiti on the wall of an underpass that read, “Amy Smith is a Slut!” … [...]

It strikes me that if you know a guy named Elmer, then you better have maore than one story about him. It also strikes me that the “Elmers” of the world must be near extinction. It’s just not a name I see being passed down much longer. I’ve never met any 4-year old Elmers. They [...]

You know, it’s amazing that I can pin-point the exact moment that my self-esteem was destroyed by woman-kind. I was in grade six. A cute girl in my class approached me, looked up at me in what I would have called a demure way (had I known what that meant), and said, “Has anyone ever [...]

The other night I was having sushi with a friend, and I came dangerously close to telling this story: You see, I can’t eat sushi without thinking of Elmer.  Long before I even knew what Sushi was, I knew Elmer.  He was short and burly.  The hair he did have was cropped short, and he [...]

You know what’s funny? When one post makes me think of another post, which makes me think of another post, but they really aren’t related at all. Well, I guess they kind of are related, and really, it’s not that funny at all… nevermind. Anyway, my little grape anecdote put me in mind of another [...]

Speaking of Addictions: I remember one day my mother brought home a bunch of grapes from the store. I popped a few in my mouth and realized that these were some Damn Good grapes. I had a few more, and then a few more, until with a sudden shock, I realised that I was going [...]