The Ballad of Trevor Dykeman – Part 2
In the interest of trying to kick-start another round of writing, I’m going to throw some random content on here… This is a silly piece I wrote to perform for a Theatre Smash (look them up!) fundraiser with a Wild West theme… Presented here in three tantalizing parts…
Part 2 – A Walk in the Park
Thankfully, the next day was Saturday and Trevor didn’t have to work. After Coop spent a thankless hour trying to teach him to cook grits, Trevor spent an equally frustrating hour trying to explain how a television works. Trevor decided that despite the risks, it might be best to get out of the house. Of course, it helped that Coop seemed to be transitioning extremely well. Whenever he witnessed some new miracle of modern technology, he would say, “I have seen stranger sights…” But Trevor couldn’t imagine how that was possible.
In that light, Trevor had a feeling that the subway might be a bit too much for Coop’s first day in Toronto. Truth be told, the TTC was often a bit much for Trevor. But he was pretty sure that streetcars had been around in the 19th century, so they jumped aboard and headed for High Park. Coop seemed to enjoy the open air. The sun beat down, and when they reached the centre of the park, Trevor suggested they get an ice-cream. This was a bit of an undertaking, as Trevor could never bring himself to push forward in line. Men, women and whole groups of children shouldered their way in front of him. “Fer Chrissake Dykeman, be a man” grumbled Coop as he forcibly manoeuvred Trevor to the front of the line.
Licking delicately at his soft-vanilla, Trevor admitted that he wasn’t the most assertive character. “I just don’t want to get in anyone’s way” he explained. “Ya keep that up, folks’ll just walk all over ya in my experience,” said Coop. “Yeah,” sighed Trevor, “that’s pretty much the way it goes. Like at work, my supervisor Conrad, he takes credit for everything I do and gives me crap all day long.”
“Weelll Sheeeit,” said Coop, “Sounds to me like you’re in need of a pair a testicles. What you gotta do is stare this guy Conrad down… right in the eyes… show him you ain’t gonna take any more his guff.”
“Yes, well, that’s easy for you to say.”
“Just watch then,” said Coop, “I’ll show you how it’s done.” By this time, they had strolled their way to the penned animals that some people optimistically called a zoo. Coop strode over to the Buffalo enclosure, knelt down and started grunting, rhythmically. “Ahh… what are you doing?” asked Trevor. “You see that big bull buffalo over there?” said Coop, “I’m threatening his authority.”
“Why?… Why do that? Don’t buffalo the buffalo.” Coop was not fazed, not even by Trevor’s clever use of the English language. The huge male buffalo slowly swung his head around to face Coop from across the pen. As a crowd began to gather around the grunting, time-travelling cowboy, the animal puffed his nostrils and headed straight for Coop. The ground shook as the buffalo picked up speed, bearing down on the fence. Trevor took a hasty step back. “Be a Man!” yelled Coop. The crowd surged back as the bull came to a shuddering stop six inches from the fence, spraying clods of dirt.
Coop was unfazed. He stared directly into the Buffalo’s eyes, murmuring under his breath. He tilted his head to the side, and the Buffalo matched his movement. The crowd was spellbound. Coop squinted, and with surprising daintiness, the buffalo lay down, grunted, and rolled over onto his back, legs in the air. Coop reached through the fence and gave the buffalo a rub on the belly as the crowd broke into applause. “How did you do that?” someone shouted. Coop smiled and said, “Don’t try that at home folks, I come from a long line of Buffalo Whisperers.”
At that moment, an enterprising thief took advantage of the crowd and grabbed Trevor’s back-pack out of his hand. “My bag!” shouted Trevor, otherwise paralysed, as the man ran off. Coop, however, sprang instantly into action. Sprinting into the petting zoo he vaulted onto a startled pony and spurred her toward the fence. In what must have been the highlight of the small beast’s life, they soared over the rail and bore down on the thief. “Hyah!” shouted Coop. The thief was running hard now towards the woods, but Coop was gaining ground on his comically tiny horse. He slid sideways, reached over and grabbed the man by the collar, and flung him at full speed into a large tree trunk.
As he led the exhilarated pony back to the enclosure, Coop handed Trevor his bag. “And that, Trevor, is how it’s done. That’s the cowboy way.”
Trevor was awestruck. “Ah, you know,” he said, “I’m thinking maybe we should get some take-out, go home and watch “Crocodile Dundee… I think you’d enjoy it.”
And that’s exactly what they did.
