The Artsaypunk

If it weren’t for marijuana, do you think that Cheetos would still be on the market? I mean, what sober person ever says to themselves, “You know, I’m hungry, does anyone have any crunchy bits of Styrofoam coated in chemical cheese byproducts that’ll stain my hands orange?” But if you’re stoned, and have got the [...]

We’ve all had a friend who just couldn’t hold his liquor. I think we’ve all been there. You bring a friend to a party, introduce him around, and then next thing you know he’s gone from sober to plastered with all the subtlety of a light switch. He’s dancing on the coffee table, spilling shit [...]

Have you ever actually read a fairy tale by the Brother’s Grimm? I’m sorry but those things are fucked up. My friend Sophie has a copy of the complete works from those two nutcases so we started leafing through it. For example, here is a general outline of a story called, “The Little Red Hen.” [...]

On my way to work, Subaru Kazoo and I spotted a bumper sticker that gave us pause. If you’re a stickler for details, than technically it was one of those back windshield stickers. It was faded from exposure to the sun, but you could still make out the words: “Proud to be The Greatest of [...]

Continued from below… obviously I guess…. I awoke at 9:00 am to the sounds of Aman playing with Noor’s cell phone. Why an eleven year old needs a cell phone I have no idea. I just know that it’s a different world than the one I grew up in. Aman had been up for at [...]

Last night I had yet another round of Hot N Spicy. I have to admit that my garlic mayo consumption has reached pandemic proportions. I feel as though those at home might not have a full appreciation of the awesome power of the garlic mayo chicken kabob roll. Tender chunks of chicken kabob pieces slathered [...]

I was in a small shop when I saw the following posted on the cash register: Only the rose in the world no matter which name you take for will still smell sweet! I can only presume that someone translated my friend Billy Shakespeare’s line, “A rose by any other name…” into Urdu, and then [...]

This past weekend I spent with a lot of girls. Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, they were almost all under 10 years old. My friend Sophie had somehow decided that she would host a sleepover night for her nieces, but soon the idea spiraled into an entire weekend of activity. Being a kid-friendly kind of guy [...]

Yesterday night I was parked in the lane-way outside Hot n Spicy when I noticed a tin labeled “Mansion Polish” lying on the ground. It struck me as hilarious, especially because it was such a small container. I just didn’t see how you could polish an entire mansion with the stuff. You would need cases [...]

Everywhere I’ve ever lived, it has always been essential to find an ideal “drunk food” eatery. I think you know what I’m talking about. That special, 24-hour haven of sustenance that is ridiculously bad for you, and somehow only reaches its full flavour potential at three in the morning. You know you want it, you [...]