The Artsaypunk

You know, it’s just not fair. I’ve been sick for the past four days or so, and I’ve been coughing like a banshee. Now, I don’t know why I used the term “banshee” there, since they’re more clebrated for their screaming than their coughing now aren’t they. But I guess I was trying to say [...]

You know, just in my opinion, “Everyone” is a far superior word to “Everybody.” I’m not very partial to “Nobody” either, but the alternative is too confusing… no one, noone, no-one. Oh, and sometimes I look at the word “luggage” and I think, “That’s a funny word… luggage.” You would think that would make the [...]

I just realised that I was going to write about American Idol before Truth broke in with all her matter of fact about how much I hate Ryan Seacrest. Usually, I have no reliable means of prediction on American Idol. The American public is a fickle thing. Half the time I don’t get it at [...]

So, this time around, I’ve watched more episodes of American Idol than ever before. I don’t know if I’d say that I’m hooked, but I am interested to see the result. But everytime I watch that show I get riled up, and it’s all because of this Ryan Seacrest character. What a chute-pakora that guy [...]

I’ve never been a hat person. Not that I have anything against hats. In fact, some hats I quite like… just not on me. Hats look terrible on me. Which, I think, is due, in part, to my gigantic head. I’m serious, my head is the size of a small watermellon (or maybe a large [...]

Imagine if there were a guy who was afraid of fire. And I mean seriously afraid, like a phobia, a real pyrophobic. But here’s the kicker, he’s addicted to smoking. And he never carries a lighter because he’s too afraid to light it. So he always gets someone else to light his cigarettes. But then, [...]

The following has been taken from the Dave-Ford Pakistani Phrase-Book, first edition. This is a valuable guide that I am writing to help any other misguided foreigners in interpreting the wonderful people of this strange land. These selections, in particular, are from the section entitled: “The Upperclass Youth: Their Means and Ways” Phrase: “We’ll get [...]

If a fish broke up with his girlfriend, do you suppose his buddies would all say, “Hey, don’t worry man, there’s a whole lot of humans up on land.” Nah… that’s stupid. And even though I should just let it go at that, I’m going to tell you why. It’s stupid because our phrase, “More [...]

Everyone has always told me never to judge a book by its cover. For years, I’ve just accepted this as sage advice (thymely too). But the other day, I was in Park Towers at Liberty Books, and I realized that I was judging books by their covers like a demon. I mean, realistically, I don’t [...]

A few years ago in Calgary, I was over at a girl’s house watching a movie. Exciting stuff, no? Problem was, that we selected Casino for our viewing pleasure. Now this, in and of itself, was not a problem, Casino is a fantastic movie. The trouble was that Casino is three hours long, and somewhere [...]