The Artsaypunk

The Wrong Home Keys The home key “nubs” are on the middle finger keys of my Mac keyboard, instead of the index finger keys. K and D instead of F and J…. Whose idea of a sick joke is this? Time after time I start typing while I look at the source and my fingers [...]

Back in university, my roommate Jeff and I used to debate the merits of “The Formula.” For a long time, I was under the impression that Jeff had conceived of The Formula himself. But in recent years, I have come across The Formula in many places, thus leading me to conclude that, even though Jeff [...]

Another sample from the “Only Funny to Me Files”: I’ve always thought it would be funny if a guy got a clothes iron for his birthday, but had absolutely no idea how to use it. Completely baffled, he digs out the instructions, only to find that they are so wrinkled that he can’t read them [...]

The single button mouse. What’s with the one button mouse? I love my right click short-cuts. Now what? I have to hold down the button for five seconds while simultaneously pressing the control key? Oh yes, very convenient and user friendly that is. Don’t get me wrong, I’m no fan of these fancy-dancy mice (mouses?) [...]

His mother always arranged the eggs sunny-side-up in conjunction with the bacon to make a happy face. “There, now you can ‘face’ the day,” she would say, as if pigs and chickens were dedicated to the cause of breakfast in caricature.

She was the type of woman who went through men’s hearts like a lioness in a herd of helpless gazelle: quickly, selectively, and the weakest first.

And in the “Only Funny to ME” category: Here in Pakistan, there is a huge national insurance company with billboards and banners everywhere proclaiming, in big bold letters, “EFU General – Insurance” It makes me glad to see that insurance companies are the same all over the world, since the ones at home are also [...]

Jonathan had a good job. He made a lot of money. He had a good job. His family told him so. Everyone told him so. He had a good job. But then, quite suddenly and unexpectedly on the second Thursday after Thanksgiving, he sneezed. It wasn’t a pleasant, quiet sneeze, it was a loud, almost [...]

Chances are, the more you think about how you’re dancing, the worse you are dancing. This is where my old friend Al Cohol comes into play.

You know what really pisses me off? Ok, I’m a rational, intelligent person, and my mom says I’m special, so I don’t like to think that when I was born, and what planet was where and who was in whose house and in conjunction with the shadow of whatever such celestial nonsense, has any effect [...]